Good Guys Where Art Thou? (04/21/2007)

Recently a girl "friend" of mine was engaged in a conversation with me about dating, relationships, sex, marriage, divorce... basically the full gamete of male and female interaction. We talked about our past dealings with the opposite sex, our triumphs, our failures, our could haves, our wish hadn'ts, and the of course the still looking fors. It was a very interesting conversation and as the talk dwindled down, this person concluded with a question, "Where have all the good guys gone?"

Now this is a question that isn't the brain child of just one female. It is a question that thru the years I have heard mentioned from the lips of a handful of women I have known. It remains a quandary that I have also heard on TV, and is even the title of a book. Also, if you were to glance through the personal ads or take the opportunity to view some female internet dating profiles, you most certainly would come across this "good guy" in frightenly frequent occurrences.

This has led me to do much deliberation, and ponder numerous times about just what the hell is the definition of a "good guy" anyhow? What key characteristics and attributes qualify any particular guy as "good"? Is there a universal model of this guy, or does it differ from woman to woman? Is it a physical characteristic like height and weight? Is it tan? Is it hairy or bald? Is it spiritual? Is it verbal or even mental? Does it weigh on financial well-being? Does it require philanthropy or volunteer work? Or is it perhaps a perfect mixture of all these things combined?

As you can see, this question (spawned in the recesses of hell) soon spirals into a variable black hole of curiosity. The scariest question spurred on by this "good guy" scenario begs for yet another answer... If there is truly, in fact a shortage of good guys, what does that make all the rest of us men? Bad... normal... run-of-the-mill... generic

I'm left wondering if this belief in a good guy is something that women naturally come up with, as if it were genetically ingrained in their psyche? Is it a fantastic story told to young girls by their mothers and grandmothers... a fable passed down from generation to generation through the ages? Did the good guy spring up in the pages of those tabloids you see next to the check-out isle in the supermarket, or perhaps within those romantic novels that nobody ever admits to reading... yet fill the shelves at the book store?

Now I have many guy friends who I consider great people. If asked, I could easily point out what I presume to be quite a few good guys out of the bunch. Yet somehow, a fair percentage of the female population would tend to disagree with me. This I find quite disturbing, somewhat demoralizing and a tad bit depressing. I have to wonder that if the majority of male population doesn't fit the god guy mold, is there any hope for the "other" guys. Is there some sort of Good Guy University, some self-help tapes, or at least a book like Good Guy for Dummies to refer to?

What I'm saying, is that I believe that generally most men want to live up to the good guy status. Perhaps we have just never been told what being a good guy is all about. Maybe all we need as men to cross the threshold into good guy-ism are some lessons... a little guidance... and some hope. Perhaps there is a chance that a great many of us are simply "good guys" in the making... and maybe one day... just one lovely day... we'll get there.

On second thought...no! You know what? To hell with all that! After all... if I remember correctly, the saying goes "Nice guys finish last". In my own personal adventures of pursuing women, I have come up with only a few conclusions about what women want in a "good guy"... so take it for what ever it's worth:

I believe that most women don't really want a "good guy" at all, instead what they do want is a bad guy who is good when they want him to be good. A guy who is sharp, funny, quick witted and clever, yet sincere, honest, and trustworthy. A guy who keeps himself in shape, but doesn't spend every last minute at the gym. A guy who he himself is at times the center of attention, yet makes her his center of attention. A guy who is strong, protective, and tough, yet has a soft side she can poke and play with. A guy who is exciting and dangerous, while making her feel safe and secure. A guy who gives flowers and gifts, yet doesn't try to buy her affection. A man who somehow knows what she wants and needs, regardless of the fact that what she needs and wants is ever changing. A guy that when she tries to run away during the hard times, actually wants to chase her down and make up. A man who will follow her suggestions and ideas, but at the same time has the confidence to take control and lead her.

As I mentioned before, these are just my own conclusions. I'm sure if I am very far from the truth on this, that I will soon be made well aware of it. So to all the men reading this, if nothing else, don't just be the man you are... be something better. And to all the women out there, stop looking for the "good guy" and instead try and look for the "good" in the "guy". There are plenty of good guys out there, perhaps you simply need to open your eyes a little wider.

This time, as like always... I welcome your comments and feedback and I hope to hear from you all soon.

Sincerely,

David